For a long time i have been used to being second fiddle when it came to anything in life (relationships, work, school, friends). It never bothered me much because i was happy to just be considered at all.
I made myself a door mat for people to just walk all over me and rub their feet on. I guess part of it has to do with my need for people to want me and like me. (i hate being hated)
In particular i let a lot of men use me when they felt like it, or when anyone else wasn't available, and then throw me away when they didn't want or need me anymore. Yet somehow they would always end up coming back because they knew i would just let them use me again.
My god i can count at least 27 men i let do this to me, some i wasn't even dating! I'm in a situation where I'm being used at the moment, by someone who i considered a friend (which makes it twice as hard and hurtful). My god do i look stupid?! I fucking knew what was going on before i was told, why didn't you just out with it when it first started?
Before you say ''but you said it was casual fucking Amber, we aren't going out'' let me say to you this... No I'm not jealous, No i don't give a toss if you are fucking someone else, Nor do i care. What pisses me off, is when you all of a sudden stop contacting me, and totally ignore me and treat me different like im a throw away toy because you don't feel like it, or because you are busy fucking someone else and assume im ok with being forgotten. Am i making sense?
ok let me dumb it down for you... one minute your red hot keen to chat and fuck, then someone else winks at you and its icy cold reception i get.
I'm sorry, but i find it rather rude. Especially if i consider you a friend.
Here i am left to wonder if i have said something to offend you, or even if you are alive! Its just plain fucking rude. Would you like it if i all of a sudden i stopped speaking to you? If i was brushing you off and indifferent?
I don't expect you to call me everyday, or to send me love notes, but when you start to develop a repor with someone, and chat regularly and get to know them by developing a friendship, and all of a sudden they ignore you because they aren't horny, or they cant be bothered then its just not nice.
Why is it ok for you to pick up the phone and ask to come over at the last minute and fuck, but yet i cant do that to you? Why is it ok for you to ignore me for days, and then expect me to be polite and cheerful when you contact me. (because everyone else has deserted you.)
'Good ol Amber will be there waiting for me'
Well fuck that! I'm sick of being second best, and I'm sick of being a back up plan when no one else is available. I don't want to be passed up because something better has come along and then picked up again after because it didn't work out.
I'm better than that, and i refuse to let it happen to me anymore.
So i smile politely and say in a sweet voice "Go fuck yourself."
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