Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Monday, 23 July 2007
Spank me please... and make it extra hard!
I been naughty.....
naughty naughty NOUGH TIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant tell you what i done, because I'm ashamed of it myself.
I'm feeling rather angry, sad, and above all very disappointed in myself and i have no excuses for my behaviour and no one to blame for the repercussions but me.
Maybe one day when I'm not feeling so guilty about it i might muster up some courage and divulge what i have done. Or maybe when i have rectified the situation... or maybe when hell freezes over! (ooo- errrr I'm sure you will all find out eventually)
I feel so crap about it. But its too late now, i cant undo what is done, all i can do is try to learn and grow from it and restrain myself from doing it again. (and again and again and again...........)
P.s... what does a 26 year old woman say to a Uber hot young boy who proclaims to be 10inch endowed when he asks "would you sleep with a 17 year old???!!!!
I tell you i have been having a massive debate over this in my head for the last few days!!!! (And no i haven't 'done' anything with him yet and it has nothing to do with my guilty secret)
naughty naughty NOUGH TIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant tell you what i done, because I'm ashamed of it myself.
I'm feeling rather angry, sad, and above all very disappointed in myself and i have no excuses for my behaviour and no one to blame for the repercussions but me.
Maybe one day when I'm not feeling so guilty about it i might muster up some courage and divulge what i have done. Or maybe when i have rectified the situation... or maybe when hell freezes over! (ooo- errrr I'm sure you will all find out eventually)
I feel so crap about it. But its too late now, i cant undo what is done, all i can do is try to learn and grow from it and restrain myself from doing it again. (and again and again and again...........)
P.s... what does a 26 year old woman say to a Uber hot young boy who proclaims to be 10inch endowed when he asks "would you sleep with a 17 year old???!!!!
I tell you i have been having a massive debate over this in my head for the last few days!!!! (And no i haven't 'done' anything with him yet and it has nothing to do with my guilty secret)
Saturday, 21 July 2007
Fucking fucked off!!!
IM SITTING HERE THREE HOURS LATE TO A FRIENDS BIRTHDAY PARTY BECAUSE MY GAY MATE DECIDED SEX WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAT OUR FRIENDS BIRTHDAY PARTY. AND SEEING AS I DECIDED TO LET MY HAIR DOWN AND DRINK FOR ONCE, HE PROMISED HE WOULD DRIVE ME....
YES IM FUCKING FUCKED OFF!!!!
YES IM FUCKING FUCKED OFF!!!!
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Emotional Amby
Ok, shall i update you on the wonderful world of me?
*Warning* the following involves lots of boring whiney self absorbed crap about weight loss and dieting. (Something which i NEVER blog about)
Like i said, i been feeling shit lately. Tired, emotional, sad, withdrawn. I was really starting to look like i felt too! So i kicked myself in the butt and trundled along to my SureSlim centre and spoke to the lady who is taking care of my program.
(Now Amby is the type of girl that hates to disappoint people, if i cant do something right, or i fail at something, i totally avoid the person or situation and hide out from them, refusing calls and such. I guess i think that if i ignore them long enough they will give up on me and walk away, there fore i don't have to face them with my shame and guilt of failure.)
Well i been doing this with my SureSlim consultant for a while now, and it wasn't doing me any good. So as i walked into the little office i broke down into tears and sat there blubbering. (Amby doesn't cry infront of people!!!) Which is weird, because i like people to think i am strong and dedicated, that I'm going to put my head down and just not feel anything and barrage through the task ahead.
What i forgot to think about was the emotional side of things. I thought "ok loosing this weight is easy, just follow the program and that's it" WRONG!!! What i forgot to take into account is the emotional part of it all. Like the fact that i deliberately (unconsciously) sabotage every attempt at weight loss once i realise its starting to work.
I realised that the reason i do this is because I'm afraid. I'm scared of the unknown. I have been fat for so long, that I'm scared of what life will be like when I'm thinner. sound crazy? well not to me it doesn't. My little layers of fat are what protects me from the world. If I'm upset, i grab a piece of chocolate. If I'm rejected, it's cause I'm fat. If i fail at anything, its because I'm fat. Its a nice excuse for being lazy really.
But also its what i have become used to. and accepted that its who i would be for the rest of my life. "the happy fat friend that everybody likes, but no body loves"
Well anyway, enough waffling, so here i am back on my way to my weightloss journey... And i know once i pass that certain weight that has been my runaway point for years, i will well and truly be on the way to success.
But its not all just about numbers for me... its also about how i FEEL. I been back on my program since Tuesday, and already i have more energy, feel more alert and creative. (i have also lost 1.7kg already!!!)
I'm on my way... I'm on my way to happiness... ah huh ah huh ah huh.
*Warning* the following involves lots of boring whiney self absorbed crap about weight loss and dieting. (Something which i NEVER blog about)
Like i said, i been feeling shit lately. Tired, emotional, sad, withdrawn. I was really starting to look like i felt too! So i kicked myself in the butt and trundled along to my SureSlim centre and spoke to the lady who is taking care of my program.
(Now Amby is the type of girl that hates to disappoint people, if i cant do something right, or i fail at something, i totally avoid the person or situation and hide out from them, refusing calls and such. I guess i think that if i ignore them long enough they will give up on me and walk away, there fore i don't have to face them with my shame and guilt of failure.)
Well i been doing this with my SureSlim consultant for a while now, and it wasn't doing me any good. So as i walked into the little office i broke down into tears and sat there blubbering. (Amby doesn't cry infront of people!!!) Which is weird, because i like people to think i am strong and dedicated, that I'm going to put my head down and just not feel anything and barrage through the task ahead.
What i forgot to think about was the emotional side of things. I thought "ok loosing this weight is easy, just follow the program and that's it" WRONG!!! What i forgot to take into account is the emotional part of it all. Like the fact that i deliberately (unconsciously) sabotage every attempt at weight loss once i realise its starting to work.
I realised that the reason i do this is because I'm afraid. I'm scared of the unknown. I have been fat for so long, that I'm scared of what life will be like when I'm thinner. sound crazy? well not to me it doesn't. My little layers of fat are what protects me from the world. If I'm upset, i grab a piece of chocolate. If I'm rejected, it's cause I'm fat. If i fail at anything, its because I'm fat. Its a nice excuse for being lazy really.
But also its what i have become used to. and accepted that its who i would be for the rest of my life. "the happy fat friend that everybody likes, but no body loves"
Well anyway, enough waffling, so here i am back on my way to my weightloss journey... And i know once i pass that certain weight that has been my runaway point for years, i will well and truly be on the way to success.
But its not all just about numbers for me... its also about how i FEEL. I been back on my program since Tuesday, and already i have more energy, feel more alert and creative. (i have also lost 1.7kg already!!!)
I'm on my way... I'm on my way to happiness... ah huh ah huh ah huh.
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Wake me up before i doe doze!
Man i been soo tired lately... Too many late nights at work.
I'm seriously thinking about quiting so i can see the light of day again. I'm kinda sick of sleeping the days away cause i been up all night.
(Sigh* the life of a shift worker)
I fell off the sure slim wagon and hit my ass on the ground really hard. I haven't been following it at all over the last 4 months and as a result i put on 2kgs. (I know your rolling your eyes and going 2kg... is that all??!! but i tell you 2kg soon becomes 20kg!!! That's how it all starts!)
Plus i think the reason i been tired and sick so often is because my body is screaming at me and telling me its not happy about the shit i been putting in it lately. So i started my program again today! Not looking forward to the next week or so of detoxifying ie: headache, nausea, tiredness, crankiness etc...
I know how good i will feel once its passed, so I'm gunna grin and bear it! Plus i got a wedding to go to in Jan and i am hoping to really shift some blubber so i can wear a nice dress to it. I quit smoking again tonight and I'm quitting caffeine over the weekend... so Amby not gunna be a happy lil chook over the next few days!
Note to impending visitors... beware of cranky fat chick!
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
what do they say a pictures worth?
He he... my little fairy boy pushing up daisy... look out flies!!! wind tunnel ahead!
My precious babies!!! awww they soo cute. i love watching them snuggle.
Umm well as for this one... lets just put it down to the full moon in the previous pic!!!
Here is that funny pic i been telling you about!
(the one from the chocolate mill!)
And here is a pic i took at 5pm in the evening.
Can you believe the moon was Beaming so bright and full?
My precious babies!!! awww they soo cute. i love watching them snuggle.Umm well as for this one... lets just put it down to the full moon in the previous pic!!!
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