PHEW....

I been awol recently..
it's been due to work, drag queening and sleep.

Im waiting to get pics of me and my boys (3 gay friends) all dragged up at a function last friday.
When i get them, you will be the first to see!!!

Love comes in a box....

mmmmmmmmmmm

I'm in love.

I have been since i saw them two weeks ago.

So i made a deal with myself, as soon as i got some spare cash, i was gunna go out and show these two sexy babes a night on the town!

aren't they stunnas!!!???

I see the light.... Now get that torch outta my face!

I think i am starting to regain life! yay!
A lot faster than i anticipated.
Thank god!

I was so sick that just walking to the fridge for some OJ (vitamin c folks!) made me struggle to breathe! Now i remember what it was like when i was 20kg heavier!

So what did i do all weekend?
Hmmmm sleep. Get up to pee. sleep. think about getting up to pee. sleep. getting up to pee... and more sleep.
If there is only one reason why i love the flu it's this.... I lost 4kg in three days!!! hooray!!!

Yeah ok i know it's probably to do with the fact that i haven't eaten for four days, or drank anything for that matter.... But i dun care... don't rain on my little parade ok! kewl.

I probably gain it all when i have my first meal for the week! ha!
Anywho... after feeling sick and fugly (translation for fugly = fucking ugly) for the last week, i decided to self tan myself, de fuzz, exfoliate my face and feet, and do my toe nails and finger nails in fakies with acrylic.
I'm quite pleased with my lil self! look....

Still dying...........

what more to say....

CONFOUND IT ALL!!!

As soon as i woke up this morning i knew... i fucking knew!
Might have been the tight feeling in my throat, or the aching in my bones...

Fuck i have the flu!!!
God damn shitty flatmate of mine!!!
I swear he has been creeping in my room at night and breathing his germs on me.

I look like shite! Big dark bags under my eyes, my skin has broke out in pimples, i look all washed out and tired, and my hair is all fuzzzy.
My immune system has officially shut down. And my appearance is paying for it! So i have decided not to venture out of the house for the next 4 days. Hopefully i should be getting better by then.. (gulp!)

I feel all hot and sweaty. Constant headache, snotty nose, flemmy cough, dizziness, and tiredness.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!
I'm melting melting................ oh what a world..............

Manky Monday

I kinda slept all through Sunday after my hospital stint...

And i woke up feeling like shit today.

Mega headache, sore limbs, feeling weak...

I'm hoping it's due to the fact that i slept too much.

See, my flat mate is FULL of the flu!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!

Everyone i know has the flu at the moment and it's a really bad one at that! Fevers, chills, snotty nose, head cold, coughs and sneezes, the works! And the severity is really bad and it's a real cling on! (in that it lasts for around two weeks)

When i get the flu i die in the ass... and that's only your basic run of the mill flu that does that to me. I fall in my bedroom and do not emerge for at least three days. So I'm kinda hoping i don't catch this one..

Why?? Because if i caught the flu, this house would end up looking like a trash yard... ( With three kittens one cat and a VERY messy 46yr old male to live with that could happen very quickly.)

Not only that, i can't afford to get sick... Amby needs da moooolah to support her addiction to makeup and stuff....

Hmmmm

Do they make contamination bubbles in EXTRA LARGE size?

If so i will have mine in Bright pink with extra sparkle thanks!

Holy Hospital Friday!

Ok ok ok, If you all know me, then ya all will know that as accident and dumbness prone i am, that I have not had a good start to the long weekend!
Here is how the shit started....

I was on my way to a friends place for a good ol' fashioned bonfire and marshy mellows sing along night, when i decided to stop at a petrol station to grab a bottle of soft drink. (i wasn't planning on drinking)
And as I'm walking out to the car i realised i locked my FARKING keys in the car!!! (for like the third time in the last four weeks)

Anywho, i couldn't ring anyone as my mobile was in car, so the kind servo man let me use the servo phone to ring my flatmate up. (spare keys were ontop of fridge at home) sooo my flatmate tells me that he cant find them.... FUCK! i decided to ring my sister.... no answer FUCK FUCK... then i decided to ring my mummy (who lives like 45mins away) she tells me that i should get strapping tape and break into my car. So i hang up and ask the servo dude if he has any around... "no" he says... FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!!!!

At this point I'm extremely pissed off!
I stand out near my car with my head in my hands just looking like one of those little lost Ethiopian kids on those povo adds on T.V.

Just when i think I'm screwed, a nice young man asks me if i need a hand. He gets on the phone to his dad and asks him to come round with strapping tape!!! YAY!!! I'm saved!!
And would you fucking believe that then my flatmate rings back the servo to tell me he found the keys??? AND after i got off the phone to him, my sister rings the servo to see who was ringing her.... THEN my mum rings back to tell me my uncle is on his way over to help... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

At this stage I'm thinking god is punishing me for breaking my diet and eating that teanie tiny Easter egg... ok medium sized Easter egg.... ok maybe a tad on the large side???

Anyways, Finlay I'm on my way to the bonfire after my flatmate (god bless his old wrinkly perverted ass) Brings me out the spare key...(which i must remember to take out of my purse and attach to vehicle somewhere).

So i arrive, the bonfire is roaring and everyone is looking toasty and sipping their drinks. Was sooooo much fun!!! I hadn't been to a bonny since i was a kid. Felt like i was at one with nature and the world... out in the bush, no one around for miles except for me and a few good mates, smelling the dried gum leaves burning on the fire, listening to the crackling and feeling the toasty warmth on my face...mmmmm heaven!

After a couple of hours, everyone decided to go their separate ways, and there was just me, Bec, and Matt left sitting round the bonny having a good ol' yak. When suddenly i feel a dull pain start to spread across my chest... UH OH!

( A little history on Ambers Anatomy... I have a slight liver malfunction due to past attempts at suicide via medication overload... stupid and selfish i know, but I'm over that now. Anywho... did i say slight liver malfunction?? hmmm well lets put it in the docs terms..."My dear, if you don't stop abusing your body with alcohol, drugs, smokes and other toxic substances, The next party you attend will be your funeral".)

Now there's a sobering thought...
Well apparently not. Cause A fool and her liver are easily parted...

I kinda been doing the exact opposite of what he said, and i been having these little 'episodes' every two months... each time it last longer, hurts more, and they're getting more frequent.

Here's how it starts...

First you start to feel a dull ache in your lower chest... just under the lower half of your rib cage on both sides. (Under the titties) Its kinda like the ache you get when you've been slouched over in a chair for too long and you need to get up and stretch. Only difference is its constant, and it slowly grows in intensity. Eventually the pain gets so unbearable that you start to panic, you take fast shallow breathes, causing you to hyperventilate and go dizzy. The lack of oxygen starves the brain and the body starts to shut down. Your vision goes blurry, and you start to sweat because your in that much pain. Eventually you have no choice but to lay down flat on the floor, cause if you don't, you will pass out and fall over.

Because i sweat, i tend to dash to the nearest bathroom floor and lie down on my tummy with my hands under my head. Bathrooms are good because of three reasons. One: They are private, so i won't have heaps of people oogling at me, making me stress out more. Two: Its cooler and helps with the sweating. Three: The coldness of the floor helps slightly numb the pain... and i mean SLIGHTLY!!!

The intensity grows to the point where I'm whimpering like a child, I can't hear anything because my ears are ringing, I cant see because my vision is blurred, and I feel waves of panic wash through me. I can't talk because i can't take a deep enough breath to be able to communicate.
And the pain feels like i have a car crushing my ribs. (Or as i explained to Bec in my panic state... "IT'S LIKE A FAT PERSON IS SITTING ON ME")

The pain is constant for about 8 minutes, then it slowly starts to ebb away and go back to a dull ache. I can talk and raise my head a little for 3 minutes, and then the second wave hits... The second is usually more painful than the first, and usually lasts around 5 minutes. Then after the pain slowly ebbs away again i feel incredibly tired and worn out. My chest will be sore for the next three days... kinda like the soreness you get when you have been coughing so much when you have the flu.

So I'm halfway through a conversation with Bec, and i start to feel this pain coming on... I'm halfway through explaining whats going to happen, when suddenly i need to make a quick dash to the bathroom before i pass out... Trouble is i only make it to the veranda before i fall to my knees in agony....

Poor Bec and Matt didn't know what was going on. I'm rolling around on the floor like a pregnant sow in labour pains!!! (To top it off, when these attacks happen, i kinda pop off.... Ok i FART!!!) How embarrassment!!! lol. Unfeminine? i know... but I can't help it if my body freaks out and release nervousness gas!!

After my first 'wave' of pain, i slowly raise my head and say in a shaky voice to Bec "I'm so blogging this" (Blogging is a term used for writing in an online diary) Plus i thought it would crack a laugh and loosen the tense worried feelings Matt and Bec were having...

Well bugger me... (And i cacked up laughing about this at the hospital later... everyone was looking at me like i was mental) Bec took off like flash lighting, or as the saying goes, she was all on it like a fat kid on a cupcake! I ain't seen the woman move soo fast Since a guy she took a shining to at Goldies was exiting the building before she had a chance to talk to him.

I looked up to see her little legs and ass flash off to get the camera. Matt scolded her and told her it was a bit inappropriate, to which Bec Excitedly exclaimed "You don't understand the importance of bloggin Matt!!!" hahahahaha I have tears in my eyes now with laughing over recalling the sheer desperation in her voice at the importance of capturing my sorry ass on her veranda in pain, so that i might place a pic of it in my blog.

God i love that woman... She cacks me up!
Later I was told she wanted to take a picture of me all hooked up in the ambulance... But she figured the ambos might think she was a bit weird!!! hmmmm good thinking Bec!

So i spent then next nine hours in hospital.
What a great fucking way to kick start the long weekend!!!
Merry fucking Easter!!!

The only highlight of the whole thing was taking a snap of this hot doc!! Who i swear looks like the spunk off Greys anatomy!!!

Friggin Loser alright!!!

I'm soooo sick of fucking Munalita on the biggest loser.
I refuse to watch the show anymore until the whinging whore is booted out of the house!

Every day its the same fucking sob story.
My god! in the episode i watched tonight the stupid cow cried like 5 times! Like ok... i understand they are pushed to the max emotionally... but fuck! so have i! and do you see me whinging every second?

geezus this woman really is starting to piss me off.
In fact I'm going to start a petition and send it off to channel ten, demanding that they edited her whingy ugly face off the show or the whole of Australia will boycott the rest of this season!

boohooo i want to have kids... boohoo i lost weight... boohoo i put on weight... boohoo I'm happy.. boohoo I'm sad.... she cries about everything!

FUCK OFF MUNALITA!!!!!!!!!!!