Day one for the fitness freak!

I couldn't sleep all last night.
Whats wrong with me!!!??? I cant get to sleep no matter how hard i try!
I just seem to be staying awake longer and longer.

Anyway here i was lying in bed at 7:30am tossing and turning when i suddenly thought bugger it, i will go and expel some energy at the gym.
So off i trundled to the gym. (after changing my mind several times first)

I hadn't been to the gym for around 3 months. Was just before my car accident. I don't know why i stopped going... I guess i just sorta got bored with it. And the more time that came between the last visit, the more daunting it seemed to go back. I don't know why, but i felt kinda scared. Like it was a looming grey cloud hanging over me. I felt negative about it and just didn't want to go.

Hardly anyone was in the gym, so i went at it straight away. It was like i never left. Once i got into it i was off and running. I did 30 mins weight training and 30 mins on the treadmill and bike. I even found that the speed i was previously doing was too slow. And my heart rate doesn't get as high as it used to (was 184, now it gets a max of 172)

I don't know why i was scared of going back. Nothing horrible happened. I guess for me the hard part is getting to the gym, cause the workout is piss easy for me... i love it! I'm thinking about going back later today! But hang on i don't wanna over do it... baby steps lil one.
So i will be going back to the gym on Friday morning. I figure Monday, Wednesday and Friday is a good start for now.

I took some naked photos of me infront of the mirror... God it was awful!
You don't realise how you actual look until you ACTUALLY do look at yourself. It was a real eye opener looking at those pics. I don't even wanna know how they would have looked when i was 24kilos heavier!

Why did i take the pics? Because i am at the second stage of my diet. The first stage was the easiest, I stuck to my guns and the weight came off rather fast. But now i am in the second stage, old temptations are resurfacing and weight is getting harder to loose. But I'm more active than i used to be, and a hell of a lot more motivated!

I have already achieved one goal by returning to the gym this year, i can make the others easy! these are the pics that i am going to look back on in half a years time and say "wow look what i accomplished". And accomplish them i will! I wont be a size 8 mind you. I don't think i ever will. Its just not in my makeup. I'm going to be happy with a goal of a size 16-18 for now... then maybe i will re-evaluate my goals.

Fitness junkie day number one... over and out!

I see shaking in that egg!!!

lol those who have seen Dr doolittle two will undercunstumble what i mean by my opening line.

OMG! I'm like a grandma!!! (not in the human sense)

My baby boggles just had 3 gorgeous little fluffballs!

I wasn't expecting her to drop them for another 2 weeks, but i must have miscalculated cause last night while i was watching TV she started having contractions!

I brought her into my room so she could be with me and lay a blanket on the bed and just lay next to her talking to her and even singing softly to her while stroking her tummy. (She loves it when i sing to her)

She was in labour for 3 hours.

Finaly when i saw her sit up and start to push, i grabbed a drawer from my dresser, dumped the contents on the floor, chucked a towel and soft blanket in there and placed her in it. She wasn't sure what was going on, cause she tried to run off with a baby half hanging out of her! (first litter)

After straining for about 5 minutes, the first kitten popped out.

Then about half an hour later the second kitten popped out... literally!

It sounded like a cork being popped off the top of a champagne bottle.

They come out in a little bubble sac that pops and then the mother eats up the sac as well as the placenta. (each little kitten comes with its own placenta!)

I must have fell asleep (hadn't slept for 37 hours) but i woke up about 45 mins later and there was another little kitty in there!

I knew she was only going to have 3! 2 boys n 1 girl... psychic??

I'm happy that they are all healthy little munchkins, but i am a little disappointed because they were born with fur!!

Before you think I'm cuckoo, hear me out.

I breeded boggles with a Devon Rex. They are relatively hair free cats.

So i was hoping at least one of them would look like the dad.

(pictured here)

He has short curled hair in some places.

Maybe they will get hairless later? Oh well, at least they all turned out OK!

what more could one ask for?!

Sorry could you breathe a little heavier?

I hate it when i get a prank call from someone i don't know.
Not because it irritates me, but because i don't know who it is!!
Its frustrating!

Anywho, i got a prank call before from someone who wanted me to hear them breathe, so i quite calmly informed them that it was their credit they were wasting so they might as well at least start talking... To which they started babbling on about Bendigo and something else i couldn't understand.

So then i told them that i was going to place the phone down and walk away, leaving them to have a conversation with my television, which i switched on full volume. I did indeed walk away, but came back into the room 5 mins later and the bugger was still on the phone! Some people have more money than sense!

I hung up on them and then decided to call them back so i could get their answering machine to see who they were. But he picked up the phone and said hello.(i put my number on private so he didn't know it was i calling) Well when he heard my TV in the background and no voice just breathing, he exclaimed "FUCK"... to which i smugly replied "yeah you wanna make sure next time you prank someone you put your number on private ya nuffy" hahahaha fucking ha!!!

Now i have a number to pass on to my little cousin who loves prank calling strangers all the time!

p.s.... i think Boggles had contractions before?!!!! or maybe it was just wind... hmmm.

Is my name cinderella???

Cause god knows i friggin feel like it at the moment!
Phew! I just spent the last 5 hours... yes that's right 5 hours cleaning this bloody house!! I can now feel proud to let someone walk into my home.
I haven't called it my home since moving in... why?

Ok, i live with a 46yr old man, who has an irritable habit of collecting junk and antiques. I swear i counted at least 30 plus bloody crystal candle holders. Why would anyone want that many?!!! Isn't two enough?
What is he preparing for a blackout for all of Victoria?
I tell ya, as time goes on, more of my stuff gets thrown out, and his crap builds up! The place looks like an antique shop! You wouldn't think a 25 year old woman lived here!

I wish i had of taken pictures to show you how messy the place was. But i kinda got into the working buzz mode and off i went like a bloody tornado.. I guess i can give the gym a miss today! I'm going to be so sore tomorrow! So not only did i rid the place of all the useless crap that was lying around, i packed up half of his antiquey do dads and hid them in cupboards and such.

Not only did i do all this today, but everyday i have to follow him round like a baby and pick up after his mess... How can a grown man be so messy?? I do his dishes, cause i hate it when he leaves greasy plates in the sink... eurghhhh. And he leaves stuff everywhere!
But enough complaining, because he does genuinely care about me and he is good to me, (no i haven't slept with him nor am i going to, its purely a friendship dirty people!!!) so i guess i can forgive him a little... (just a little) Cause he does work two jobs and helps me with stuff i cant do.

Sigh* now alls that's left is to clean up the back yard... it looks like a bloody jungle! I will take a pic of that! And he has more crap out the back!!! I think I'm going to invite my daddy over with a trailer to pick it all up and burn it!!
hehehe

You win some, you loose some...

Ok last post i was complaining of being tired...
Now I'm going to have a whinge about having too much sleep!
Too much sleep makes me feel worse than being tired.
My head aches and my body is sore.

What did i do on the weekend?
I worked, worked worked worked my little (well big) ass off.
Nothing exciting to tell really.
Just another boring weekend.

I have been so busy that i forgot to ring a few friends and do a few things i was supposed to do... oops!
Hopefully they will forgive me!

My ex's sister rang and wants me to visit her.
huh? I don't know why?!
I never really got along with her in the first place!
Maybe she is doing some spying for him.
who knows!

Babies babies babies... everyone i know is having babies!
My 16 year old cousin just popped one out.
am i supposed to want a baby because I'm a 25yr old woman?
cause i don't! Where is that internal female thing inside me that is supposed to go 'aww goo gaa goo gaa baby's are so cute!'?
Cause i don't have one!

all work and no sleep make Amber...

Tired?!
lol

I haven't slept for nearly two days, so this morning i took a sleeping pill... BIG MISTAKE! I feel like a walking zombie.
Its like I'm stoned... my eyes are heavy and so is my head.
I'm going to take a nap i think...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Advance my ass

What am i doing for Australia day?
Sweet fuck all.
Tonight was like the biggest night for partying in bendigo because tomorrow is a public holiday, and where was i? In bed asleep!
Yep.. I truly am getting old!

This weekend is going to be jam packed with things happening in benders, and I'm thinking about going for a wander down the street to have a look. I got a text from a casual friend who wants to come see me tomorrow, and i been fobbing them off for a while, so i think i better catch up and get it over and done with.

I kinda feel like i should be out partying this weekend, cause I'm Young single and all, but then the old lady in me goes 'eh whatever'.
i think i am going through a mid mid life crisis!

Frantic fanatic...?

I think i want to be one of those fitness freaks...

You know, one of those people that simply say no to everything bad for you, like cigarettes, alcohol, junk food, men...lol

Seriously though, i am sick of feeling like shit after i eat something 'naughty'. It always makes me sick and i end up feeling like shit for three days... so why do i do it? I don't even enjoy eating it anymore. I think its just become habit in the past, that i naturally go out to buy junk food to make myself feel better. But it doesn't work anymore.

So yeah, I'm going to become a junkie.

Water water water... Fruit Fruit Fruit... and Veg veg veg...

I'm saying no to everything else... even diet soft drink. And yes, even a small little bite of anything naughty.

I been longing to go to the gym for a few weeks now.

I stopped going after my car accident. But i think i would like to kick start that off again cause I'm kinda getting sick of feeling tired and lousy during the day.

So here's to the obsessive new me!

Fitness junkieness here i come! haha Will let ya know how i go.

Some people...

If i take the time out of my busy little life to send you a message, to write you a letter, to give you a call, to send you a text, or to e-mail you, the least you can do is bloody reply!

It really shits me to tears when i make the effort to contact someone and they don't bother responding back. Not only did i take time out to do it, but i spent money doing it! How hard is it to take 2 mins out of your time to send a little reply back?

FARK! :-(

Herculeeese!!!

Lmao... I'm in a nuttsy mood today. Feel like bouncing off the walls and doing back flips. (the only thing stopping me is the fact that I'd probably break my neck in the process!)

I just went for my Monthly check up. Yep you read right, MONTHLY.
No i am not a hypochondriac, no i don't get sick all the time. I just like to get everything checked regularly so i can get on with my life and not have to worry about some disease i might have festering away while i cant be assed going to the docs.

Yeah i like to get std checks and blood tests and all the other stuff done once a month. Not cause i sleep with strangers all the time, And not because i think i will inherit some nasty illness anytime now, But because its better to be safe than sorry. If i have cancer or even thrush (god forbid) i would like to catch it in its early stages, and not when its too late.

Interesting conversation i had with someone the other day, we were talking about stds and stuff, and they think that i am more likely to get an std cause i slept with more people. Ummm call me naive but i can sleep with a whole continent of people and not catch an std. It only takes one person, one needle, or one body fluid to transfer.

Yeah I'm more likely to if i screw half the population, but I'm a smart gal, i don't just screw anybody, i always check out the goods before it goes in any orifice, and i nearly always use protection. (I say nearly cause there have been long term relationships, breakages, etc..)

Think about it... How long have you been putting off a pap smear? It doesn't hurt, its not embarrassing (only for prudes) and its over in 5 secs. Maybe I'm being a nagging nancy, but i believe that you shouldn't procrastinate when it comes to your health!

Don't delay, do it today!
Book in an appointment with your local nurse and go get that fanny checked out! After all, you don't want to wake up one morning with something like alfalfa sprouting out of your giney do you?

Im fucked... Litterally... :-)

Ok look out cause this post is going to be a total tell all about the awesome sex i had last night and all today... lol
Prudes avert your virgin eyes now!
you have been warned!

So i met this guy over the net. We send a few msgs back and forth and before you know it, I'm on my way up to Maroopna (near shep) for what i like to call a bootay call. lol.
I NEVER drive for sex! Just a rule i always had. You know, safety and all that... Besides, i never felt the need to.

But i don't know, i thought what the hell...
Live a little and go out and see the countryside.
Great guy, had a ball... but the sex.... mmm, lets just say i NEVER EVER cum with just sex. But i do now!
I lost count of how many times we had sex.

Sigh* I'm buggered, and I'm off to bed.
I think i will be grinning for a week!

So many men....

I went out tonight with my friend Bec to Goldies.

I haven't been there for aaaages!

Was a little disappointed at first because Someone didn't turn up who said they were going to turn up (Bec you know who) and started to slip into being glum.

However, i soon perked up and thought "well fuck it, why should i be miserable cause they're not here? im here for me to have fun!" And i didn't have long to be bored i can tell you!

I was presented by men left right and centre most of the night!

What the? I go to the bar for a drink, i get chatted up. I walk back to my seat, i get chatted up. I sit down in my seat, i get chatted up! It was nice to be offered so many free drinks for the night. (pity i was driving!)

And it was also nice to be admired and wanted (even if a few of them were old enough to be my grandpa!) lol

I don't know whats wrong with me, i had the perfect opportunity to take home a gorgeous tall muscular man, and i declined. I had the opportunity to get a rodgering from an EXTREMELY well hung man, and i declined again! For some reason i just wasn't in the mood for sex.

(Don't worry I'm confused too!)

hmmm weird.

So here i am at home at 2:45am on a Sat morning blogging away when i could be bonking away.

Who knows!

Whats the world coming to when Amber passes up sex?

lol

loving me is easy cause im beautifooool!!!

I love being the space cadet that i am.
I'm special and i know it! (no not in the 'speshuuuul' sense)
I'm a regular nuffy. But by god I'm a damn good one.

Yesterday it was like a light suddenly switched on in my head, because for the first time in my life, i know i am all that and a bit!
Anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend, even more so if i was their partner! Why? Because I'm a damn good woman!

There are so many women out there today who are real heartless, uncaring, soulless biatches. But not this Lil chooky! I was brought up by the best, and i was taught from day one to respect other people. Treat them as you would want to be treated. Think of others before yourself. And to care and share.

there ain't no other woman out there who can top me in the stakes. Because when i was created i was made with all the ingredients that anyone could want in a woman.

I am smart, funny, sociable, open minded, non judgemental, caring, unselfish, thoughtful, reliable, trustworthy, loyal, beautiful, outgoing, wise, seductive, great in the sack! (lol) quirky, talented, hard working and many many more that i cant be bothered listing.

For the first time in my life i LOVE ME! And i don't care if i sound up myself, cause this is a wonderful feeling. For so long i have hated me. The way i looked, the way i lived, my personality... I really loathed myself. But not today! and never again! cause i finally realised myself what a wonderful woman i am.

If there was another me in the world i would marry me in an instant! So what if you don't value me the way i should be valued... I know how much i am worth. I know how wonderful i am. And i know how much i should be loved.
Me and My Space cadet mother...
(we were in a dept store when we took this)

Touch a touch a touch a touch meeeeeee!

I just put an add in a web site for meeting singles.
Not looking to meet a man or a woman for a relationship at the moment.
Not looking for anything serious at all.
Just browsing to make more friends in bendigo.
And that's what my add states.

So i met someone tonight from the site.
A 31 yr old man... tall, slim to muscular, Semi attractive and quite sociable. Very easy to talk to.
He came round to my place for a coffee and a chat.
No expectations, just a good old natter and such.
I am a very sociable person and i love meeting new people.
So this is a great way to make new friends in Bendigo.

I don't know whether i am attracted to him or not. I look at him and go nah, then i look again and change my mind.
However by the end of the night we end up in my room, both lying on my bed chatting.

I'm horny and i want to make a move, so i invite him to play with my breasts. mmm i love having my boobies played with! He is slow and gentle, and kisses me in a way that teases me. Touches me slowly and plays with my hair... its nice, and it turns me on. I want him to touch me elsewhere, but then he kisses me on the forehead and says "its time for bed"..... WHAT THE!

I mean i should be happy that I'm respected enough for him to want to see me again tomorrow and chat some more... i should be happy he didn't fuck me and fuck off right??? lol nope... i wanted some action... for once i wanted a one nighter, and what do i get? Teased!

Hes a nice guy, but i don't think i want to have an ongoing thing, and i think he does... Its nice the way he gently touches me, but i don't think i could see myself with a gentle person long term... yes its loving and sensual and slow.. but i want a man who is a bit more than vanilla oriented in the bedroom. Sometimes i want a good hard screwing.

I must admit, I'm curious now... so of course i will see him tomorrow... I'm also curious as to the size of his... ummm... 'mini me'. It looks promising. I just hope he doesn't expect too much from me, cause right now, alls I'm looking for is to get laid... lol

The end is near...

OMG i can't believe what is going on in this world today!
Not only are we on water restrictions that are only going to get worse (apparently to the point where we can only shower every second day...fuck that!), But now it turns out we are short on power!

I was just watching the news, and due to a bushfire surrounding a faulty thingamajig that sends power to the doozywatsit to supply us with our electricity (are you still with me?) we are going to be rationed power over the next few days... WHAT THE?

It HAD to be over summer!
Damn my moth filled purse! I would be heading to the local pool otherwise... I cant even use my pool!!! waaaaaaaah!!
Life is just kicking me in the arse...
Maybe i might go for a drive to some hidden waterhole with a friend or two or three...

So, we have a shortage of water, and now a shortage of electricity... next the gas company will overheat and explode, ending our supply of gas, the factories will be shut down due to inflation, and the food will rot...
the end is near... be warned all ye sinners and evil doers!! REPENT REPENT FOR ALL YOUR SINS!
lmao!!

(opinions expressed in this post are pure fictional and made up for the sheer humour of it all)

The princess and the pink boogyboard...

OMG i had the best fun today.
It's the best fun i have had in a while. (Been down misery lane)
But i think i found myself wandering back onto Happy street again!

We lost all electricity power at around 4pm today for a couple of hours. It was sooo hot i contemplated jumping in my green algae pool!
So i made a deal with One of my girlfriends and we went to our slimmers group (which i been avoiding for a while cause i thought i would be disappointed at the outcome) and then went to the local swimming pool.

I lost 6.8 kilos in 2 months and 11kilos since i started there.
Wahooo. I was rapt. So that was a good start. Then we headed to the pool, where i nervously declothed and went to the pool edge and jumped in. It was so much fun to get out and be amongst people... (esp the hotties we were perving on!)

We were being watched by one guy, and my friend was trying to look all classy and seductive, when her pink kiddy boogyboard flipped out from under her and smacked her in the face... was hilarious! What a mood killer huh?

I'm back, I'm happy. and I'm here to party!
p.s.. here is a good song to live by.

Its by Joydrop "beautiful like you"

If i was beautiful like you
all the things I would do
Those not so blessed
would be crying out murder
And I'd just laugh
And get away with it too
Like you do

If i was beautiful like you
I would never be at fault
I would walk in the rain
between the raindrops
Bringing traffic to a halt

But that can never be
that will never, never be
Coz i'm not beautiful like you
I'm beautiful like me

If i was beautiful like you
I'd be quick to assume
They'd do anything to please me
At night I see their reaction
when you walk into the room

But that can never be
that will never, never be
Cuz i'm not beautiful like you
I'm beautiful like me

Beautiful
beautiful like me
like me
like me

If i was beautiful like you
I'd have so many friends
Always fighting for my time
to be next in line
So if i hurt one
i wouldnt have to make amends

That can never be
that will never never be
Coz i'm not beautiful like you
i'm not beautiful like you
i'm not beautiful like you
I'm beautiful like me
beautiful like me
beautiful like me
I'm beautiful like me
I'm beautiful like me

I gave you my heart...

Ok, yes i have been bitching in my posts of late about a certain SOMEONE who will remain anon... For the record it's not a man. And i don't think she knows about my blog, but there are people who do read it, and unlike her, i will keep my dignity intact and refuse to divulge in gossip.

This person was once a really REALLY good friend, at one stage i felt like we were one person, i gave her everything, and i mean literally EVERYTHING. If she asked for my last 5c i gave it to her, that's the kinda person i am. And yet despite being bitten by her in the past, i let her back into my bubble. BIG MISTAKE.

I shared many secrets about myself with this girl, she knows almost all there is to know about me, some things that i told her would see me ruined of family and friends if they ever found out, somethings i would loose the respect of people i want to respect me. Even perhaps trust.

Hey i was young and stupid once, i made a few mistakes.
There is nothing more important to me in a friendship than respect and internal caring (the kind of caring that comes naturally because you cannot help but care because you love and value a person so much, and not because you feel you have to or because its the right thing to do.)

But the one thing i like to think is Most important in a relationship of any sort is trust...
When i was younger, in high school, i had a habit of opening my mouth about things among friends that were told to me in confidence, because i wanted to be liked, i used to bitch about one friend to another and be two faced because i didn't want to upset either one, i wanted to be loved by all... But unfortunately it only ended up in me loosing a lot of respect and friends, and rightly so.

Since then i have NEVER been two faced, If i have a problem with a friend, i don't run around bitching about it to everyone else, I go straight up to the person and let them know damn well if i have a problem and why. Sometimes i may talk to another friend about the issue for a different perspective, but NEVER have i EVER gone and told a story about someone that was told to me in confidence.

That's right, if you tell me your deepest darkest secrets, your worst fears, the most immoral thing you have ever done, or the sickest thing in the world, It stays between me and you. I NEVER repeat private conversations. (Unless in situations where it is life threatening or illegal, like child molestation, holding up banks at gunpoint, killing domestic animals etc...)

I have two close friends, that i have told both specifically over and over again, if you tell me, or i find out you have cheated on the the other, i will confront you and give you three days to confess, or i will do it for you. Only because they are BOTH my friend and i do not believe in being stuck with their ill behaviour on my conscious.

Another thing i do not do is LIE!
Sure i have done the occasional little white lie, like 'yes mum i haven't smoked for two weeks' or 'yes i came' or even 'oh that's nice'. But usually these are to strangers that i don't give a damn about. If you ask me does your bum look big in those jeans, and i consider you a friend of any level, of course i would tell you honestly.

If you cook me tea and i can't eat it because it upsets my stomach, i will tell you. If you are dating a real bitch and i know she is, i will tell you, but only so much, because it's up to you to find out yourself. I cant and wont try to persuade or influence your decision, only give you advice on what you ask.

Anyway, back to the point...
This person has gone and told people something that i didn't want anybody to know about. A deep dark secret that only 3 people in the world know about. I even had a stranger come up to me and say 'hey aren't you *****'s friend i heard ********* '

What the fuck?
WHAT THE FUCK?
I'm so furious...
And what did i do about it?

Well i got angry, i swore a lot, i rang them up and told them exactly how disappointed i was in them, and that i could never trust them again.
I have so much dirt on this person that i could have easily backfired and made them loose everything, their partner, their job, their families respect, even their own self esteem.

But as soon as the thought entered my head, it was swiftly gone again.
Why? Because i am not a vindictive bitch. I am not malicious. And i am not petty. Maybe once upon a time i used to be. But i don't like hurting people, no matter how much they hurt me.

Go ahead, stab me in the back, watch me bleed tears of pain and humiliation while people laugh and throw stones of hate at me... But not even as i lie there, bloodied and bruised, drawing my last breath of life, will i utter the unspeakable things you have done in this world.
Because I'm not like you.
I'm like me.

Oh for FUCKS SAKE!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!
For fucks sake i hate it when people think they are better than everyone else because they suddenly have a change in fortunes or circumstances...

Personally, i don't give a flying fuck if you just got a pay rise, or an expensive apartment overlooking the sea, or a trophy boyfriend (trophy boyfriend is something that looks good on your arm) or an article devoted to you in the paper, or even became fucking miss Australian princess...

No i do not give a shit at all... why? Because i like you for you and not what you fucking own or have inherited or gained. Do i think you are suddenly more lucky or more valuable to me now you have gained so much? Nope! Not one fucking iota...

I liked you for you, not what you posses...
Sorry for my french, but it makes me furious when people think that they're a much better person now that they're more fortunate than others...

My to do list...

Just thought i would share with everyone what i wanted to do this year and why, in no particular order, here they are...

Go to the dentist to fix teeth.
(I have a little hole in my back tooth)
Go get Hair laser removal EVERYWHERE below the neck!
(I hate body hair!)
Over come my fears of abandonment and loneliness.
(Its the only fear i have left to conquer, all the others i have overcome. And before you tsk tsk me, these issues have nothing to do with wanting a relationship or a partner.)
Either acquire a job i ENJOY, or go back to school to work towards it.
(I want to enjoy work)
Make some new friends.
(I love meeting new people)
Join a choir.
(I love singing)
Go out in Melb and stay the night.
(Never done it before)
Go to Torquay for the beach.
(cause i can)
Go to Mt bulla for the snow and stay a weekend learning to ski.
(I miss the snow)
Buy a slutty size 16 outfit.
( I WILL get there!)
(finance pending) Go overseas.
Climb Hanging Rock.
Run for 30 mins straight.
Go surfing.
Abseiling.
Join a sports club.

Umm that's it for now i think?

Im happy your happy....

You know when you have a friend who sometimes is just as miserable as you, who has the same problems as you, and you sit there together and commiserate your miserable lives together and you don't feel so alone? It's like someone else understands, and you feel like your not going through this sometimes shitty life all by yourself. You don't feel like your the only freak that has these sorts of problems.

Well what happens when they suddenly become unmiserable?
Am i supposed to be happy for them?
Cause sometimes i feel a little jealous. Why am i still stuck in miserygutsville?

Oh you lost weight? Well good for you!
You got a great job? Fantastic!
You won a bravery medal? Well ladie fucking da!
You met a nice man and eloped? Oh thats just bloody marvelous!
You discovered world peace? Whatever!
You Bought a new dress cause you got heaps of money? So fucking what!
(can you sense the anger and cynism?)

And what shits me the most, is suddenly when their life is all happy and perfect, they totally forget all about you and you never hear from them again! This ussualy happens when they meet someone, it's like your put on the shelf or the back of the cupboard, HOWEVER, if their relationship should fall in a heap, guess who they come running to??? Well fucked if im going to be there to listen! (and knowing me i probably will be there cause im such a fucking soft hearted person that i let people walk all over me!)

I just hate helping people and supporting them through thick and thin, and then they turn their back on you and forget all about it. Hello??!! where is my helping hand?
Don't get me wrong, i know my life is better than some peoples, and I'm not ungrateful, but sometimes i feel like i just wanna fall in a heap and cry why meeeeeee???!!!

Bleurghhhh....

I just kinda overdosed on coke zero (better than normal coke i thought) and now all the bubbles in the drink have made me feel sick. Not only that i kinda had a few cheese supreme corn chips, and i seriously am contemplating sticking my fingers down my throat!!

I feel soooo crook!

After a vegges, fruit and water diet for so long i don't think my poor stomach can break down this shitty food anymore. Lets just say i wont be eating processed food for a very long time!

I made a deadline to loose another 12 kilos before my birthday... which is like just over 4 weeks away... so i kinda gotta loose 3 kilos a week.... umm CANT see that happening! So i made a compromise with myself and decided i would be happy with anywhere between 6 to 8 kilo loss.

(don't wanna loose it too fast!) So I'm heading back to the gym on Monday. errr yay?

My pool is still green :-(

I'm shitty about that.

Making my sister a bracelet for her birthday, will post a pic when it's finished... i getting a smart cookie i ams!

Amby as a baby with choccy all over her mush!

All my friends are getting married...

I feel like the only single person left on the fucking planet!!!
My eldest sister is married. My youngest is engaged.
Then there is lil ol middle child me all alone and boyless.

Not only that, it seems all my old dependable single friends are pairing off with partners! wtf is going on??
I know i am very picky when it comes to men. I have had three ask me out in the last month, but i respectfully declined because i just didn't 'click' with them, or i wasn't attracted to them at all.
But surely there MUST be someone out there?

Eh... i made up my mind that im not going to get involved with anyone this year, because this year i am spending on me, doing all the things that i have wanted to do. But some times its nice to get a little intimacy from a guy, like a hug or a kiss.
Besides, if i am honest with my self i am still hung up on someone else.

Is it ok to be in your late 20s and single?
I feel like a freak!

COUGH COUGH....

I got this constant dry bloody cough..

It starts like an itch in the back of my throat and i cant stop!

Its soo unattractive.

I sound like a dog woofing!

So i been overdosing on Oranges for the Vit C.

Feeling a bit tired and sluggish cause i was up late last night editing and sorting through some pictures i took the other day.

(Took some pics of a male friend of mine)

And boy may i say some of them are wahoooo hot!

Either I'm a genius or he is extremely sexy, or maybe both!

There is one picture that i particularly like over the others and when i look at it it really makes me squeamish in the nether regions... Its just simply that sexually charged.

Mmmmm i think i need to get laid.. lol

I have decided to not drink any alcohol for a while, and boycott botting the odd smoke from my friends (sigh* yes i started again).

I think that's why i have this horrible cough, my body is telling me off!

I'm sooooooo bored!

I find my self with all this time on my hands and i feel like i am wasting my life sitting in front of the TV or staring out the window.

So i decided i want to get stuck into the garden or something when I'm bored. Maybe it's a touch of loneliness as well... Who knows!

I'm off to lay on my bed with my cat boggles (who is halfway through her pregnancy) she has 4 and a half weeks left! She is due to drop them either 2 days before, or 2 days after my birthday! what a lovely present that will be!!!! Baby boggies running around!

Mmmm

I'm having one of those days.

Head in the clouds, everything is wonderful lala la days.

I got a chill from sleeping with the air conditioner on all night, and i was very very sick for 3 days. But i got over it very quickly. I HAD to! i had so much going on this weekend i didn't have time to be sick. Everything is moving so fast now.

I had a wonderful insightful conversation with a friend of mine, and had such a good time talking to them and laughing with them. I haven't laughed from the heart for so long. It was nice, kinda like a warm fuzzy feeling. It made me feel content and just good!

I also sorted some emotions and feelings that i had been dwelling over in my head for the past few weeks. I Finally figured out where everything belongs and how i feel and why i feel that way. I think I'm happy because everything just 'clicks' now, where as before i was stressing all the time about things that were beyond my control, and more to the point, something that shouldn't have worried me all that much in the first place.

Sigh*

Now all i got to do is get my body up to speed where my mind is and head back to that gym for some feel good pheromones!

I love the world today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lil miss Amby as a happy tod

OMG.. FAT PICS!!!

Since i lost another 5 kilos this week, i have decided to post some old 'fatter' pics of me... i say fatter because i know i still have a long way to go... but by golly i lost a total of 25kgs in 5 months. YAY

o0o my head hurts....

Well i went to a new years party last night that one of my friends was at, and i managed to down a bottle of white wine AND a bottle of red...

(i don't drink much)

Anyway, here's WHY i don't drink...

I stood up to go to the toilet and felt something squishy under my shoe, so i squished down on it a little harder to work out what it was (beats me why i didn't just have a look!) Then i hear a faint "rooooooaaaaaawwwrrr". Turns out i was standing on the families pet kitten.... OOPS!

Only 10 minutes later, I'm getting up to talk to a girl at the end of the table, and i stand on something a little bit more dense this time. I didn't have to squish it this time to figure out what it was, because it bit me really hard... (mind you it was biting me for 40secs before it registered i was standing on the families pet dog!)

The rest of the night i was called the ANIMALATOR.... :-( i love animals, esp cats and doggies, there is no way i would have done it deliberately, and i felt sooooo bad!

Moving on.... we ended up going out to the warehouse (whorehouse as i like to call it) and Universal (so hate the universal) To where i further embarrassed myself by (apparently) hitching up my skirt around my waist while exclaiming "fuck me it's hot in here" and plonking down on a stool.

eeeeeeeeek!

Towards the end of the night, i was walking towards my mates car in the car park opposite universal, and the next minute i know there is a cool breeze swirling around my legs and up my kochee... (i guess it was a bad idea to wear a skirt that i had to pin smaller because i lost weight and go out drinking in it...)

To make matters worse, those who know me, know i don't wear undies!!

so there i am, standing in the middle of bendigo, with my skirt around my ankles and a little black petticoat barely hiding my modesty... (apparently i then bent over to pick it up and shimmy back into it while declaring "fucking skirt" (such a lady) and in doing so, bared my big fat white ass to who ever happened to be behind me or driving past.)

My friend then took me to kfc where i ordered i don't know what and payed with i don't know what... and i started munging into it like it was the first meal i had ever eaten... i made love to the chicken with my mouth..(i know i know, back to the gym tomorrow to work that off)

As i was spooning the potato and gravy out of the container with my fingers, my bastard friend took a corner too fast and i ended up with my head and upper body firmly stuck under the passengers seat and my big ass waving around in the air...(was in back seat with no seat belt on) to make matters worse i had my face buried in the potato and gravy container.... mmm attractive!

I was then taken home, placed on a couch, where i promptly fell asleep on my back with my mouth hanging open and gravy stains all over my face.

So.... to the half of Bendigo that saw my Lilly ass, and to the kitten and dog that i stood on, i apologise from the bottom of my heart.

And that is why i dont drink.

click these two links for a look at a drunk Ambz...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw0yNcf-j64

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvJIqdMl66A