Reflections are a funny thing

So i been reflecting over the last few weeks that have past.

And overall i think i have had some pretty amazing experiences and shit lately!

I will start at the start.

After finding out about the whole cervical cancer thing, i had the 'proceedure' to remove what they could of it. And three days later my sister had her wedding. Now i don't get along with my sister all too well, we had a huge falling out many years ago and things have been tense ever since. Im sad because it was very strange to be at her most important day, feeling kinda uncomfortable and like i didn't belong.

My older sister Heidi also has a strained relationship with her, and she commented on how my younger sister had more to do with her friends and bridesmaids than either of us. (Which didn't bother me but i felt sad for my sister as she has a big heart and i love her to bits)

Anywho... the wedding was top notch diddly dee afair (wouldn't expect anything less from my 'perfect' little sister) And i must admit she did look very nice in her wedding outfit. although i think she did kinda overdo it on the fake tan though!

As i was on the way to the reception I asked my mate to pull over so i could put my fat suckers back on (which i took off earlier as it was stifling hot. fat suckers are those tight black undie things) Any way the little bastard thought it would be funny to take a shot of me changing in the bushes.

Being at her wedding and watching her dance to " the way you look tonight" by Frank Sinatra made me stiffle a little sigh of sadness. Because after all is said and done, at the end of the day she is still my little sister and underneath all the anomosity there is still love there for her.

It was weird to think that my little sister was all grown up and now married.

Afterwards the moment i dreaded came up. My Uncle and family teased me asking me when i was getting married. So i Promptly turned around and said "When they legalise gay marriages in Australia And my mother accepts my girlfriend." Was pretty hilarious watching the news spread through the family camp about the 'gay' relative. (My family are all stought christians)

I will admit at the time i was pretty sad and thought to myself i wonder if i will ever get married... but im over that now.

Moving along........... a week after my sisters wedding i wen't back into the hospital to get a final check up to get the all clear on the cancer removal. You shoulda seen my face when They pulled out this long penis like looking thingy with a camera in it, put two condoms on it then lubed it up!! I asked why there was a need to put two condoms on it, to wich the nurse replied "incase the first one broke!" man, talk about hysterical, i pissed myself laughing at the prospect of being impregnated by a dildo looking camera! But i was shot down when the nurse curtly replied it was to prevent any bacteria getting on the camera.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling having it poking around in there, and i almost flipped out when i saw something moving on the monitor! there on the screen was this little grey thing blobbing around and pulsating! I was stunned and pointed at the screen and stammered, "what is that!"

Im not ready to be a mum, and certainly not prepared at all!

I mean im gobsmacked about the whole thing and thoughts are racing through my brain "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN"

So imagine my reaction when the nurse said "Oh that's just gas near your colon."

I thought the idea of being able to see your fart on a moniter through your twat was hilarious. I had tears running down my face with laughter and relief.

But talking about ultra sounds, There is a little baby on the way that is near and dear to my heart already. IM GUNNA BE AN AUNT! My older sister Heidi is 4 and a half months preggers and im wrapt! She has been trying to fall pregnant for the last three years and almost gave up hope when bang! After fainting at work and going to the doc's there ya go!

Im hoping for a girl. But either way i know im gunna spoil it rotten!

And lastly there was Valentines day.

I hate it, i never recieved a card, and never been romanced, (even when i was in a relationship)

I hated it because it reminded me how sucky it was to be single and lonely. And if i saw another happy couple kissing i was gunna barf!

So im sitting at work when in walks my best friend. And he hands me a bunch of flowers and says i love you. (calm down, he's gay) and after he leaves another friend walks in and hands me a single long stemmed rose. And later that day i was hanging out with a few other close friends just laughing and having a ball when it dawned on me... Valentines day rocked for me because although i got no card or box of chocolates from a dashing young man who was deeply in love with me, I had something better, I had the unconditional love of my friends and they had mine in return.

Chookas to you all cuz i loves ya!

PFFFFT!

You know what?? i really couldn't care less what you think about my posts, they are for me and me alone to write out. It's not a public forum for people to entertain themselves with!! So sorry to those of you that have nothing better to do than surf blogs to entertain yourself daily with other peoples lives, but it's MY blog, MY emotions and MY life.

The reasons i have not deleted your comments is because im not afraid of conflict, and im not afraid to be judged by whatever i have to say about my opinions on anything. If you don't like it, then bugger off! Besides i find them quite entertaining.

Like i said, your obviously hurting. Can't undestand why or help you if you don't want to "come out" and deal with it. You can keep your "Anoynomous" little sheild up to protect yourself. I know enough about you now to understand that it's not worth worrying over ANY sort of friendship you seem to think we had, if thats the way you think someone should be treated.
More to the point, if your childish enough to confront me this way than i'd rather not have to deal with you in my life anyway.

For those who think it is between me and Beck... I never said it was. I dont' know why you think so. I can't seem to see Beck as the type of person who would be childish enough to go about things in this kinda way. She would have the decency to front me to my face. Perhaps you may think so because of something she may have written or said about me? I don't know as i can no longer read her blog because i seem to have been denied access.

I have no idea why, Perhaps i did or didn't do something, or perhaps its just a simple mistake?
Not going to dwell on it. Iv'e tried to ring her the past week before all this shit happened and i never seem to catch her at the right moment. Co -incidence or deliberate? I don't know. But i understand life gets busy, and everyone has their own problems to deal with.

So Beck if your reading this, i have been trying to contact you, and i have smsed you a few times and even droppen into your place over the past two weeks even before the Australia day party (which im sorry i couldn't attend as i was in Shepparton on work related issues which i txt you about) Hope things are ok with the Pregnancy and love life.

Ally thanks for the thoughts and kind words, they haven't gone unnoticed, and i do pop in and read your blog so i can keep up to date on how you are. I do wish you well with everything.

That's all i have to say about the issue folks. As of now im moving onto my usual updates... which are far and plentyful! A marriage, An unexpected Pregnancy and a funny story about an ultrasound coming up next time i have a spare moment!

oh before i go i beter do a spell check or the spelling nazi will be after me!
Ah fuck it....

Miss gutless...

If you have nothing beter to do than go through my posts and pick out my speeeeling mistakes than i suggest you take up a hobby?? May i suggest a course on manners and etiquette? As obviously you have none!

What you see and what you know is a one sided view. Im sorry if you feel this way, i have spoken to most of my friends about this and they have all said the same thing, i have NEVER just taken anything from anyone, nor have i ignored them for any unjust reason. Im first in line to do anything for a friend.

Perhaps if i have ignored your texts and not turned up to your invites it's because i don't want to see YOU! Think about that. I am not a false person, and i am not a rude nasty or fake person. Therefore if there is someone i dislike or don't get along with i will avoid them like the plague rather than be called a two faced bitch.

I am FAR from lonely and miserable, which is what you sound like you are if you feel the heroic need to 'rescue' me from my supposed misery. All my REAL friends know i am ok. And have been for the past two weeks. Im sorry if i have been too busy with life to write a post for you updating you on the last time i wiped my ass!!

I never denied anything being a certain way. Many people suffer from depression and life threatening illness. Excuse me for wanting time away from people to deal with it in my own way! I remember a certain friend of mine needing time out herself when her ex partner fell ill.

Gimme a break woman!

If you don't care about me knowing who you are, then how about you indulge the rest of the people who read my blog and tell them?? Don't think you will somehow as It's obvious your too scared cause you know what you wrote was utterly rude and uncalled for.

Im not a nasty or vindictive person, however i am pissed that you felt the need to post this shit on MY personal blog instead of 'being a friend' and coming straight over and telling me to my face. And i am EXTREMELY pissed at the fact that you said "Friendship is a two way street, you cant keep taking from people without giving, which is what you do and what you have done for a very long time".

WHAT AN UTTER LOAD OF BULLSHIT.
look im not going to waste anymore time on you or replying to your comments. If you feel the need to keep this up then how about you either ring me, or front up and we will talk about it over coffee. Its obvious that your hurting for some reason and i would like to know why.

p.s.... For your enjoyment and entertainment i have left several spelling mistakes. go ahead and go nuts kiddo.

Dear Miss Anomous...

Hmm, im not going to waste much of my time and energy on ranting about how much of a gutless bitch you are for not even having the balls to put a name with your little comment on my last blog entry.

My blog is for me, my family and my friends, and i don't really give a toss what you or anyone else thinks about it. Im not the sad person who sits on my ass reading other people's blogs and getting a kick outta judging them by a few personal posts.

If you are sick of reading the poor me post then the answer is simple... don't bother reading anymore, and as for loosing my friends and being all alone and friendless, not gunna happen sweety cause those who ARE my friends have the heart and compassion to wait and help me through my problems whatever or whenever they are.

Pretty spot on idea of who you are regardless, you still write the same way and with the same tone honey. So please GO FUCK YOURSELF....... sorry, but like you said, had to be said.

and now im back.... from outter space...(well soon)

leaving on a steam train............
Dunno when i will be back again...

actually i will be back on Sunday.
going away on holiday with two friends for a heart party, then i am coming back to haunt you all.