Ok, shall i update you on the wonderful world of me?
*Warning* the following involves lots of boring whiney self absorbed crap about weight loss and dieting. (Something which i NEVER blog about)
Like i said, i been feeling shit lately. Tired, emotional, sad, withdrawn. I was really starting to look like i felt too! So i kicked myself in the butt and trundled along to my SureSlim centre and spoke to the lady who is taking care of my program.
(Now Amby is the type of girl that hates to disappoint people, if i cant do something right, or i fail at something, i totally avoid the person or situation and hide out from them, refusing calls and such. I guess i think that if i ignore them long enough they will give up on me and walk away, there fore i don't have to face them with my shame and guilt of failure.)
Well i been doing this with my SureSlim consultant for a while now, and it wasn't doing me any good. So as i walked into the little office i broke down into tears and sat there blubbering. (Amby doesn't cry infront of people!!!) Which is weird, because i like people to think i am strong and dedicated, that I'm going to put my head down and just not feel anything and barrage through the task ahead.
What i forgot to think about was the emotional side of things. I thought "ok loosing this weight is easy, just follow the program and that's it" WRONG!!! What i forgot to take into account is the emotional part of it all. Like the fact that i deliberately (unconsciously) sabotage every attempt at weight loss once i realise its starting to work.
I realised that the reason i do this is because I'm afraid. I'm scared of the unknown. I have been fat for so long, that I'm scared of what life will be like when I'm thinner. sound crazy? well not to me it doesn't. My little layers of fat are what protects me from the world. If I'm upset, i grab a piece of chocolate. If I'm rejected, it's cause I'm fat. If i fail at anything, its because I'm fat. Its a nice excuse for being lazy really.
But also its what i have become used to. and accepted that its who i would be for the rest of my life. "the happy fat friend that everybody likes, but no body loves"
Well anyway, enough waffling, so here i am back on my way to my weightloss journey... And i know once i pass that certain weight that has been my runaway point for years, i will well and truly be on the way to success.
But its not all just about numbers for me... its also about how i FEEL. I been back on my program since Tuesday, and already i have more energy, feel more alert and creative. (i have also lost 1.7kg already!!!)
I'm on my way... I'm on my way to happiness... ah huh ah huh ah huh.
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My daily antics for my friends & family to keep in touch & up to date with whats going on in my world.
3 comments:
There is nothing i like to see more than someone back on the band wagon! Awesome work babe - 1.7kgs is an excellent acheivement - especially after only 300 more grams will take you to a weight lower than the last few months! Way to go!
i think that it is like playing "tag" when you tag someone else - I might just pass the tag onto you coz beck has already done it i noticed!!!!!!!!!
Airlie is right, that IS a great effort!
"the happy fat friend that everybody likes, but no body loves"
Or is it, the happy fat friend that you like and don't love?
The biggest thing I've learnt with my psychologist is that I just cannot fool anybody with the "Im fat and happy" talk. We believe people don't love us when really it's just a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
Friday night was the most beautiful I have ever seen you look. Forget how your body will look (cause I cant imagine myself thinner either) but can you imagine how much easier your body will function when it isnt fighting the rubbish we put in it?
You are doing wonderfully. We are doing wonderfully. Baby steps.
xox
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