You know i been really tired and shit lately.
Between work and a few emotional upsets. Im just so god damn tired. I feel like i want to curl up in a little ball under my doona and just lay there all day.. Which i know i cant because the house falls apart without me constantly cleaning up after SOMEONE!!! (messy pigggy older stinky housemate~!)
I have decided enough is enough and i am moving out soon.
Im sick of cleaning up after him. And im tired of making excuses as to why i should stay here. Yes i have free access to the net, i can share a house phone and its cheap rent etc... But im 26. I hope to have a proper full time well paid job soon where i can afford to have a nice little 2 bedroom flat all to myself. And decorate it the way i want.
I hate it here. Its dark and dingy and if full of Gary's old man crap!!
Its not a home for me. Its just somewhere i live. So im off to clean up his mess right now, and then im going to have a bath and spend the next hour thinking about whats been troubling me of late.
Im going to write it all out and get it sought out.
Im also going to work on this whole tired emotional thing thats going on too. Maybe i need a good fucking holiday!
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Let the flood come
There is a sentence in a song which pretty much sums up what I'm feeling at the moment.... "Let the rain come down, and wash me clean, let it wash away my insanity"
I haven't posted for a while. I guess i been kinda busy with work, life, and being sick AGAIN! But I also been really swept up in my own little emotional whirl wind.
Besides being tired from working my little ass off and being sick with some viral infection that made me feel like i was swallowing razorblades constantly, I been a little emotionally detached. Its kinda hard to explain. But i will give it a crack.
I 've been feeling Betrayed, jealous, angry, hurt, unloved, ugly, lonely, tired, weak, guilty, confused, disappointed, ashamed, wistful, and sad. And all these feelings have been pretty much crammed into the last week. I feel like a tumble dryer that's been overloaded with emotion and I'm going to over heat and explode.
No one really understands how you feel except for yourself. And i know I'm all alone in dealing with this task of sorting through all this emotional crap I'm dealing with at the moment. I just gotta take a day off and go somewhere and forget everything and deal with it one by one.
I feel like every little bit of these emotions are clinging to me like a piece of sticky mud, and its slowly devouring me into a dirty muddy puddle. I feel like i just wanna stand on the top of a mountain and scream at the dark clouds to open up a torrent of rain and feel each little drop wash away the 'muddy' feelings i have.
To be stripped back to nothing but bare clean skin and feel nothing but cool water coursing through my veins, pushing out all the toxins from my body.
I'm ready for the heavens to open up on me....
Let the rain come down.......
I haven't posted for a while. I guess i been kinda busy with work, life, and being sick AGAIN! But I also been really swept up in my own little emotional whirl wind.
Besides being tired from working my little ass off and being sick with some viral infection that made me feel like i was swallowing razorblades constantly, I been a little emotionally detached. Its kinda hard to explain. But i will give it a crack.
I 've been feeling Betrayed, jealous, angry, hurt, unloved, ugly, lonely, tired, weak, guilty, confused, disappointed, ashamed, wistful, and sad. And all these feelings have been pretty much crammed into the last week. I feel like a tumble dryer that's been overloaded with emotion and I'm going to over heat and explode.
No one really understands how you feel except for yourself. And i know I'm all alone in dealing with this task of sorting through all this emotional crap I'm dealing with at the moment. I just gotta take a day off and go somewhere and forget everything and deal with it one by one.
I feel like every little bit of these emotions are clinging to me like a piece of sticky mud, and its slowly devouring me into a dirty muddy puddle. I feel like i just wanna stand on the top of a mountain and scream at the dark clouds to open up a torrent of rain and feel each little drop wash away the 'muddy' feelings i have.
To be stripped back to nothing but bare clean skin and feel nothing but cool water coursing through my veins, pushing out all the toxins from my body.
I'm ready for the heavens to open up on me....
Let the rain come down.......
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Monday, 23 July 2007
Spank me please... and make it extra hard!
I been naughty.....
naughty naughty NOUGH TIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant tell you what i done, because I'm ashamed of it myself.
I'm feeling rather angry, sad, and above all very disappointed in myself and i have no excuses for my behaviour and no one to blame for the repercussions but me.
Maybe one day when I'm not feeling so guilty about it i might muster up some courage and divulge what i have done. Or maybe when i have rectified the situation... or maybe when hell freezes over! (ooo- errrr I'm sure you will all find out eventually)
I feel so crap about it. But its too late now, i cant undo what is done, all i can do is try to learn and grow from it and restrain myself from doing it again. (and again and again and again...........)
P.s... what does a 26 year old woman say to a Uber hot young boy who proclaims to be 10inch endowed when he asks "would you sleep with a 17 year old???!!!!
I tell you i have been having a massive debate over this in my head for the last few days!!!! (And no i haven't 'done' anything with him yet and it has nothing to do with my guilty secret)
naughty naughty NOUGH TIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant tell you what i done, because I'm ashamed of it myself.
I'm feeling rather angry, sad, and above all very disappointed in myself and i have no excuses for my behaviour and no one to blame for the repercussions but me.
Maybe one day when I'm not feeling so guilty about it i might muster up some courage and divulge what i have done. Or maybe when i have rectified the situation... or maybe when hell freezes over! (ooo- errrr I'm sure you will all find out eventually)
I feel so crap about it. But its too late now, i cant undo what is done, all i can do is try to learn and grow from it and restrain myself from doing it again. (and again and again and again...........)
P.s... what does a 26 year old woman say to a Uber hot young boy who proclaims to be 10inch endowed when he asks "would you sleep with a 17 year old???!!!!
I tell you i have been having a massive debate over this in my head for the last few days!!!! (And no i haven't 'done' anything with him yet and it has nothing to do with my guilty secret)
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