Its gunna be a big un!!!

Ok So much to say and so little time!!!

so here i will break it down for all you little rockmeista's out there!

(crazy mood? yessum i am)

First things first. Gay night was fun. Met the most gorgeous men in the most gorgeous dresses!!! They were all so pretty!!! One came dressed in an old Victorian style dress, i almost fell over and died! But alas only one of my gay tribe decided to go in drag... the others pussied out. So here is the pics i promised!

Now After last weekend i was well and trooly stuffed! So i only just got round to coming alive today! I came home from work on Monday and found Boogles locked up in my bedroom. I couldn't figure out why Garry had locked her in there until 5 minutes later when i heard her growling!

Her little boys were trying to mount her!!! ewwwww Im not having four headed incestuous kittens! so i took the boys straight to the vet the next day to have their nuts removed. Boggles is next on my list for desexing.

Anyway, on to the more indepth part of my post...

Are you one of those people that desperately want to loose weight but cant? The kind of person who seems to loose weight but then all of a sudden stops and puts it all back on? Do you say to yourself each day 'i can have some today, i will start my diet tomorrow' and tomorrow say exactly the same thing again? Do you watch other people around you loose weight and talk about how great they are feeling and get all shitty and depressed and feel like a failure because you cant. Do you sleep to avoid the nagging hunger inside you? Do you feel like you were cheated out of a childhood because all your friends could participate at school sports day while you lied about having your period and stayed at home under the covers with a chocolate bar. Do you hate pretty thin girls that are all bubbly and girly that seem to get all the attention? Do you wish that you were one of those girls that could wear whatever they wanted and still look pretty and cute? To be one of those cool chicks that everyone wanted to be and hang around with?

ME TOO!!

I feel like i been cheated of my childhood and my teenage years. Robbed of all the things i should have been able to do but couldn't. Instead i got teased and made to feel an outcast. Great substitute. I have so many problems now because of it. And i sit here some days and wonder what my life would be like now if i had of been a thin girl. What experiences i would have had and what personality i would have? Would i be married with kids now? Would i have a job or be at uni? Would i be happy?

Who knows. I don't. If i could live my life over again there would certainly be some things i wouldn't do again.

However i don't want to wake up in my mid 30's and add young adulthood to that list. I don't want to rob myself of things that i can still yet do before i am too old to do so. I want to run, i want to climb mountains and ride a bike without swallowing it with my ass.

But it's so hard... Its easy to say, but so hard to achieve. Im sabotaging my health, and i am robbing myself of so much. Can you imagine how that feels?