HORNY WARNY~~~

No im not writting about Shane Warne!

Im Back to tell you all about Ambers wonderfoool trip to the place where she lost her virginity at the age of 18!! (Warnambool.... sigh*)

Well my faggy friend Kyle kept me up all night the night before the trip. We shouldn't be left alone together after 10pm, cause garunteed we gunna end up laughing the night away untill the wee hours of the morning! Anywho we got to Warnambool and after one hours sleep Kyle was bouncing around the room begging to go to the beach... This is what i looked like compared to him when we arrived..

Hmmm, i hated him that day!

Anyway, after sleeping a little and eating a lot, we wandered down to the beach at 8pm at night, armed with a torch and a tyre iron for safety! It was friggin freezin!!! I swear my nipples snapped off and floated away with the tide! We went back the next day and took these lovely pics!

Kyle : "look a wave"Kyle: "Oh shit.... RUN!"

Anyway, we spent most of the time shopping and eating, and sleeping, and watching Austar, and eating, and sampling the nightlife, and eating and harrasing the sexy surfer boys... oh and did i mention eating??

The worst thing happened to me!!! Do you remember me writing a post a while ago saying that i was getting eyelash extensions>? Well i got them, and they looked great... for a day or two, then they all started to fall out. (They attatch false eyelash onto your original eyelash with this glue that hardens, and its supposed to fall out when your eyelash grows out naturally.)

So in the end i was left with these black little lumps of glue on the end of my eyelashes, so it looked like a mouse had run across my eyelashes and shat all over them! So i had to cut them!!! (Sniff sniff... i hated my eyelashes to begin with because they grew straight down over my eyes like a horse! But now i hate them even more!! they are like 1/2 mm long!)

Kyle being the wonderful faggy friend that he is helped me super glue false lashes on so that i wouldn't look gimpy for the rest of my holiday! Here is what he did!

Anyway, crisis averted, After four wonderful glorious days of kyle keeping me awake all night in fits of laughter (gay men are such larks!) We headed off home on Sunday morn... On the way we came across this funny st sign

And now for one last pic of me and my gorgeous fake eyelash's...(ps. note to others... superglueing on false eyelashes FARKING HURT!!!)

p.s... is anyone else sick of hearing about Paris Hilton??? I mean for Farks sake is the girl even talented or pretty? Ive seen more personality and intelligence in a steamy fresh dog turd!

LEAVINNNNNNNNNN ON A HYUNDAI

Me is going to Warnambool for work!!!!
I wont be back until Sunday.
So I'm taking my camera and my fag (gay friend) and hitting the road at 7am tomorrow!!

Sorry i haven't been in contact with anyone.. me has been busy.
But i will make it up to you all when i get back with wads of cash!!!

Bring me the world please!

Today i was in a beauty salon called synergie.
I was getting my eyelash extensions re freshed.
And as I'm sitting in the waiting room i pick up a magazine and read the front cover for any interesting stories that i might find inside.

"THE SECRET TO MAKING A MAN YOURS FOREVER" stood out like dogs balls in bright letters.
well being the desperately single woman that i am, i decided that ANY extra information is better than none, so i had a little read.

It was crapping on about 'THE SECRET' which is basically a hairy fairy new age latest craze that states that if you want it, you will get it... (ie: if i think I'm gorgeous and that a guy will be smitten with me, then he will. If i think negative and go 'I'm fat he wont like me' he wont.) Power of positive thinking.

Well me being the cynical little muffcake i am is sitting there going 'ok... obviously some stoned freak wrote this shit! I mean, if i keep thinking that my ex will get back with me and love me forever, doesn't mean its going to happen!! What about the fact that he is married now with kids and i don't talk to him any more??? Sorry but i just see that as ludicrous thinking.

Anywho, i am not the type of person to diss something unless i have tried it first... so for the next two weeks i am going to try this thing out. See how things go. Starting tomorrow I'm going to become a positive mogul... I will let ya know how events transpire my little chicken drummettes!
(check it out for yourself here....http://thesecret.tv/)

P.s... note to self... eating onion rings equals smelly farts!

REEEEEEEE CAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!

Ok. i have so much to recount over the last few weeks...

Firstly... gay night pics.... Well i asked for copies and i am still waiting... But there are a few i took when we did the 'pre drag' makeup and dress.

Nowhere near the quality of the actual night, but something to tie you over till i get a copy of the actual final result!

Me!!!

Yes this is the body of a male!!! I hate him!!!! And his gorgeous legs!

And now onto the next thing...

The wedding....

I went to my ex Fiance's sisters wedding... confused? Me too.. Anyways, The brides name is Anna, and as i dated her brother for four and a half years, naturally our families became close and she became like a little sister to me. However, Jason (her brother, my ex) Was no where to be seen at the wedding... Why? Because he is an asshole.

Its a he said she said fight between them, but regardless he still should have showed up to his only sisters wedding! His half brother has flown all the way from Tasmania with his family to attend the wedding, And Jason even told them he was too busy to catch up with them before they went back. I felt so sad for Anna and her mum and dad.

However, on the up side, it was nice to meet the family that had heard all about me but i never got to meet, and wanna know what was even better? The fact that they absolutely love me to bits and think i am adorable!!! HAHA i mean whats not to love!

But the highlight was getting told by everyone that was there that hadn't seen me for ages that they didn't recognise me cause i lost so much weight! yay HERCULEEEEEEEEESE!!!!! I dunno whats going on, but no matter what i put in my mouth lately, (and i can assure you its all been shit!) I seem to still be loosing weight! Its kinda scaring me actually as I'm not sure if its really that healthy?? My body usually balloons...

Now the Dress!!!

My new dress to go with my new shoes!

mmmmm

And last but not least...

The Man!!!!

Just someone i met on the Internet and had an awesome night snuggling up next to!! (can't wait for the second installment, but he lives in Melbourne.. :'-(

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Fark is it just me or did winter come up and bite us in the ass?
I'm freeeeeezing!
And you know what sucks more than anything in this whole wide sucky wucky world in winter???? Well i will fucking Mc tell you.....

BEING SINGLE!!!!!

I hate the fact that i come home to a cold house, and the only person to greet me at the door is my cat. I mean, where is my hug, a 'how was your day honey', a nice warm kiss and cuddle and someone to snuggle up to when its -4 frikking deggers in the morning!????

Being single sucks ass man!
And the reason i am sooo shitty today is because i haven't been laid Since bloody February!!! Where are all the men?
Hellloooooooo!!! horny white female with big titts and no gag reflex wanting to be entertained for at least an hour!!!

Sigh* I'm so desperate for some male affection I'm contemplating a personals add!!! How sad am i???
Ohhh woe is meeeee....
I hate Winter!

I'm building a hot water bottle in the shape of a man.
Wonder if there's a market for that sorta thing.......?