(i don't drink much)
Anyway, here's WHY i don't drink...
I stood up to go to the toilet and felt something squishy under my shoe, so i squished down on it a little harder to work out what it was (beats me why i didn't just have a look!) Then i hear a faint "rooooooaaaaaawwwrrr". Turns out i was standing on the families pet kitten.... OOPS!
Only 10 minutes later, I'm getting up to talk to a girl at the end of the table, and i stand on something a little bit more dense this time. I didn't have to squish it this time to figure out what it was, because it bit me really hard... (mind you it was biting me for 40secs before it registered i was standing on the families pet dog!)
The rest of the night i was called the ANIMALATOR.... :-( i love animals, esp cats and doggies, there is no way i would have done it deliberately, and i felt sooooo bad!
Moving on.... we ended up going out to the warehouse (whorehouse as i like to call it) and Universal (so hate the universal) To where i further embarrassed myself by (apparently) hitching up my skirt around my waist while exclaiming "fuck me it's hot in here" and plonking down on a stool.
eeeeeeeeek!
Towards the end of the night, i was walking towards my mates car in the car park opposite universal, and the next minute i know there is a cool breeze swirling around my legs and up my kochee... (i guess it was a bad idea to wear a skirt that i had to pin smaller because i lost weight and go out drinking in it...)
To make matters worse, those who know me, know i don't wear undies!!
so there i am, standing in the middle of bendigo, with my skirt around my ankles and a little black petticoat barely hiding my modesty... (apparently i then bent over to pick it up and shimmy back into it while declaring "fucking skirt" (such a lady) and in doing so, bared my big fat white ass to who ever happened to be behind me or driving past.)
My friend then took me to kfc where i ordered i don't know what and payed with i don't know what... and i started munging into it like it was the first meal i had ever eaten... i made love to the chicken with my mouth..(i know i know, back to the gym tomorrow to work that off)
As i was spooning the potato and gravy out of the container with my fingers, my bastard friend took a corner too fast and i ended up with my head and upper body firmly stuck under the passengers seat and my big ass waving around in the air...(was in back seat with no seat belt on) to make matters worse i had my face buried in the potato and gravy container.... mmm attractive!
I was then taken home, placed on a couch, where i promptly fell asleep on my back with my mouth hanging open and gravy stains all over my face.
So.... to the half of Bendigo that saw my Lilly ass, and to the kitten and dog that i stood on, i apologise from the bottom of my heart.
And that is why i dont drink.
click these two links for a look at a drunk Ambz...
7 comments:
OMG. Whata fucking scream!!!
I must have missed you by a block!
Damn girl!! Sounds like you had a great night!!
Who cares if anyone saw your butt!! They can all look but cant touch ;)
lol yeah your telling me, i just read your blog and went OMG i must have seen you but been too drunk to realise...
Have you both checked out my u tube vids yet?
Just checked them.. You are a dag! How drunk were you??? LOL Note to self, stand in a brighter place.. LOL
Hey, on the U tube site, next to the video, there are boxes that hve the 'url' address etc... under that is an area that says "Embed". copy that code, then paste into a new post.
The video will then show in your blog
AH SWEEEET!
lmao u dag!!!!
Post a Comment